With winter temperatures dropping across the scamming….ahem…sunshine state for the first time this winter, Florida farmers are ready to turn January into another Christmas. Except this Farmer’s Christmas, comes to them courtesy of the American tax payer.

I, Brickell Princess, live in Miami, Florida. For years–for as long as I can remember–during Florida’s “winters” the local media excessively airs footage of Florida’s farmers spraying their crops with water at night. In the morning the media airs footage of the same crops covered in ice; usually with a beautiful sun rising in the background for thematic effect.

A week down the line, the media airs footage of farmers claiming that their crops were damaged by the “cold” temperatures.  Keep in mind that Florida never really experiences winter!  But I guess that if you plant crops on purpose, for them to fail, then you have truly achieved your goals.

Weather - Miami, Florida - January 3, 2012

Now, you know that’s all a big show. A big scam! All at the expense of the American tax payer.

See kids, farmers get a bundle of money for damaged crops in the form of farm subsidies from the U.S. Department of Agriculture. A lot of your tax dollars go to these fat cats that scam the system that was setup to keep food prices affordable!

Here’s how the scam works:

• Florida’s farmers plant in late summer to early fall to ensure that their crops produce by the time the first cold spell hits Florida.
• They spray the crops with water so that ice forms over them and the fruit – from oranges to tomatoes – are destroyed.
• Florida’s farmers issue ample press releases through their cooperatives in order to get media coverage. This is a tactic that will validate their claims in the public eye; in the arena of public opinion.
• They file their crop damage claims with the U.S. Department of Agriculture and sit back and let millions of your tax dollars flow right into their bank accounts for doing absolutely nothing other than scamming the American tax payer.

While the money flows into their bank accounts, these farmers sit back, let all that produce rot to waste.  They sit back, do nothing, and get paid!  They get a huge pay day at your expense!

Think I am lying?  Tune into WSVN‘s news telecast (10:00PM – Eastern) and watch all of Florida’s scamming farmers milk the system.

Florida’s farmers are a bunch ruthless mafiosos.  They have absolutely no morals.  They know they can scam the system and get away with it and with a bundle of your tax dollars.

I ask you this: Why then does this not happen all over South Carolina or North Carolina?  How come the tea or even the tabaco farms in South Carolina don’t scam the U.S. Department of Agriculture the same way these Floridians scam themselves into wealth?  Could it be that the farmers of the Carolinas hold themselves up to a higher standard?  You bet chicos!

American retailers are now up in arms in furor over Amazon.com’s new price comparison app.  Amazon’s app allows consumers to price check items are traditional brick and mortar retailers.  Retailers are in a pissy fit because Amazon launched a promotion for Saturday that gives customers 5% off–up to $5–on up to three qualifying items purchased on Amazon.com if consumers check the prices of those goods on the app while browsing at a physical store.  Keep in mind that discount or not, you still have to pay a fortune for shipping and handling!

Looks like these pussy little retailers can’t handle the competition in America’s capitalist society.  They’re even crying for their state senators to jump in and do something…something against Amazon.com

Well, cry me a river and suck on it!  This is a free market capitalist nation and if Amazon.com has found a competitive promotion, then more power to Amazon.com.

Even Senator Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) entered the cry baby fight, calling the promotion “anti-competitive” and “an attack on Main Street businesses that employ workers in our communities.”  Well, last time I checked, Amazon.com employed a lot of workers in our local communities as well.  Or does Senator Snowe think that Amazon.com imports oompa loompas to staff their massive distribution centers and corporate headquarters?  Is Snowe that biased or that delusional?

But what Amazon.com does that none of these pissy little small stores does is that Amazon.com pays their workers a decent wage, provides them with full time jobs (not part time jobs) and provides those workers from local communities with benefits and all the perks that come from working at a large corporation.

If Senator Senator Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) does not like the competitive market that comes with a capitalist society, then perhaps she should join the Communist Part of the United States and become a red card carrying Communist!  Because that is exactly what she is promoting by siding with these pissy traditional brick-and-mortar retailers that cannot stand competition.

What traditional brick-and-mortar retailers have failed to realize is that consumers shop online not for tax savings, but for convenience.  Convenience!

On sales tax, traditional retailers fought the wrong battle. Instead of fighting to tax all online sales, from retailers such as Amazon.com, all these small minded retailers should have fought to make all online sales tax free. That’s the only way they could ever compete on a leveled playing field.

Consumers have forced the evolution from Main Street to Net Street. Face it!  And there is nothing anyone can do about it.  Nothing!

Who is Main Street USA going to cry to next when international retailers enter the United States and start selling to American consumers?  IKEA for one, has taken a huge chunk of the retail gold pot with products that American consumers would never find for sale on Main Street USA.  So cry me a river you sore losers.

If it was up to Main Street USA, we would all be paying outrageously high prices.   All while shopping at some shit hole in the wall that offers zero convenience, no parking, and all the abuse a retailer can shoot your way.  That’s right, asbuse!  Or have many of you forgotten what it was like to shop at small traditional stores back in the days before giants like WalMart entered the market and gave consumers rights…have you forgotten?  Here’s a little reminder:

Back in the 1980s my mother took me to a small family owned shoe store in Coral Gables, Florida to buy a pair of new shoes for a dance.  Rather than taking me to Burdines, she took me to a small store on Miracle Mile and over paid to the tune of $60 for a pair of shoes.  Shoes, that three days latter trying to wear them in before the dance, ended up falling apart.  

When she went back to the shoe store for a replacement, the shop owner refused to replace or refund the three day old pair of shoes because  they had already been worn.

Ofcourse the does had been worn.  That’s what you are supposed to do with shoes!  No three day old pair of dress shoes should fall apart!

A big box store like Burdines, on the other hand, would have gladly replaced the shoes.  That’s where we ended up buying my shoes.

We live in the United States of America.  A country founded on capitalism that thrives on competition and innovation.  That’s why internet retailers have been so successful.  They have succeeded not because you do not have to pay sales taxes; they have succeeded because consumers value convenience, consumer rights, and the fact consumers can compare prices online easier than they can at the local strip mall.